I wrote the whole thing while listening to sad Cantonese songs so this is why the fic might be too sad and melodramatic. Haha...Cantopop still rules in my opinion.
AND kigae , STOP SHOWING ME EVIDENCES OF THEIR CHEATING! >:(
letting go. pg-13
doojoon, yoseob, junhyung, dongwoon (beast)
broken!dooseob, junseob, doojoon-dongwoon (doowoon?)
angst, 2713 words
doojoon runs away, yoseob cries himself to sleep, junhyung feels guilty and dongwoon doesn't know what to do without his hyung
(a development of this)
nobody really thought much about it when doojoon said that he wanted to discuss something with their choreographer hyung in private during their dance practice for “special”.
that was until the choreographer came back and announced that junhyung and doojoon will be switching positions in the dance because it would make the whole performance look smoother and slicker. he didn’t sound convincing, nor did he look like he know what was going on.
amidst this confusion, the leader was nowhere to be seen.
both junhyung and dongwoon didn’t fail to notice the way yoseob gripped hard at his bottle of water for a moment before pasting a smile and continuing with practice.
when they got back to the dorm, kikwang and hyunseung immediately fought for the shower like they were 6 again. out of desperation, junhyung locked both of them in the bathroom and told them to shower together. minutes later, innocent laughter, yells and the sound of spraying water came from the bathroom and junhyung shook his head at his immaculate skill of handling kids while shouting at them for wasting water.
he enters the living room and wishes that he didn’t.
yoseob and doojoon were sitting at opposite ends of the couch, sulking each in their corner. dongwoon was hovering near them, as if wondering whether leaving the two members was a safe option. when junhyung came near, the magnae turned the deep-set pleading eyes towards him that silently transmitted a “HELP THEM, HYUNG” message.
the rapper stopped in his tracks because for once, he had no idea how to make everything okay again.
2am in the night and dongwoon couldn’t sleep. he turned towards the bed next to his and felt a little ache at seeing it empty. ever since he switched beds with hyunseung, he found that he is unable to sleep whenever doojoon isn’t around.
he glanced at yoseob and knew that the other was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling. slowly, he edged closer and was alarmed when he saw tear-streaks on the other’s cheeks. “hyung?”
yoseob turned away from the magnae and uttered an “I’m fine. go back to sleep.”
dongwoon sighed because he knew that if yoseob didn’t want to talk, there was nothing he can do. “…I’ll get some water for you, kay?”
yoseob didn’t answer and as dongwoon climbed down the bunk bed, he wondered what really happened between the usually happy dooseob couple.
doojoon sits in the balcony and stares blankly at the night sky, as if imploring the stars for an answer that he can’t seem to find. he laughs at his foolishness, his laugher hollow and devoid of any happiness.
he hears the balcony door slides open and somehow he just knows that the person sitting next to him now is dongwoon.
they sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, each hearing the echoes of their own thoughts.
dongwoon sneaked a glance at his hyung and realizes that the man sitting next to him was not the same yoon doojoon he knows. the yoon doojoon that he knows is the reliable leader that everyone goes to for help and comfort. the smart and charming namdol on danbi and star golden bell that impresses people with his wittiness and charismatic eyes.
no, the yoon doojoon that currently sits in the balcony is someone who has sadness reflected in his eyes, his tongue tied and unable to express the emotions and stress within him.
this yoon doojoon wasn’t smiling as if the world could never go wrong.
he was crying.
“dongwoon, just… please…don’t say anything.”
dongwoon didn’t know what to do so he just did the only thing he could: he drew nearer to doojoon and wrapped his arms around the leader who clung to him.
the crying man didn’t say anything but dongwoon hears it all the same.
please tell me I didn’t make a mistake
the next morning, doojoon leaves silently for danbi filming, leaving no message or a word spoken to any of the members.
dongwoon to doojoon: I hope you’re having fun wherever you are, hyung. :)
kikwang to doojoon: HYUNG!!!! DON’T FORGET TO BUY BACK SOUVENIORS FOR US! YOU FORGOT THE LAST TIME!!!!!
kiwang to doojoon: can I please please please sleep in your bed tonight?
dongwoon to doojoon: tell kikwang hyung that he can’t!!!! :(
hyunseung to doojoon: we’re eating pizza today! what are you eating now? bugs? kekeke…
“seobie, what happened?” junhyung softly asked in the empty practice room. it has been days since doojoon left and yoseob hasn’t been his usual sunny self, not when all he does is stare blankly at his cellphone with red puffy eyes.
he was of course concerned as the vice-leader and as a close friend to both parties but he couldn’t deny there was a more personal reason for his worries.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“you’re such a bad liar, you know.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” yoseob turns around to walk away from the interrogation but the persistent rapper holds him and corners him against the wall.
“tell me.” junhyung breathes out while his eyes search for an answer, a solution, anything that can stop yoseob and doojoon from hurting each other.
yoseob looked up and glared, his eyes cold and dangerous and when he spoke, there was a striking tinge of anguish and bitterness in his voice. “he broke up with me because I told him I might be in love with you, are you fucking happy now?”
the sudden confession shocked junhyung and he released his grip on yoseob. the blonde slid to the ground and curled into a ball, his small body shaking with anguished cries.
“…it’s just not fair, he didn’t even give me a chance to choose. … i could have tried to overcome my feelings for you but he didn’t believe I could … he wanted me to be happy with you but I can’t be, knowing that I had destroyed something that meant a lot to us…”
the revelation hung heavily in the air, suffocating them both with its irrefutable truth. nothing remained, just unspoken regrets, questions of “why” and a trail of broken hearts.
kikwang to doojoon: HYUNG! WHY AREN’T YOU BACK YET?! :(
dongwoon to doojoon: is it true that you’re staying there for a few more days?
hyunseung to doojoon: why are you staying there longer?
there was something sinister in the way hyunseung was grinning at him, yoseob was sure of it.
yoseob eyed hyunseung whose hands were behind his back, obviously hiding something. “erm…yes?”
“I noticed you have been looking sad and lonely these past few days…” the other edged closer, still with that sinister grin and yoseob feels himself instinctively drawing away an inch.
“…so I went and got you ice-cream to cheer you up! it’s your favourite flavour!” hyunseung proudly stuffed the tub of ben&jerry’s ice-cream under yoseob’s nose and cast a blinding beaming smile (though not as blinding as kikwang’s pearly whites) at him.
overwhelmed by this act of kindness and sweetness, he could only manage a weak smile that didn’t really reach up to his eyes. “…thanks seungie.”
“it’s not a problem!” the pretty one ruffled yoseob’s hair before giving the other his trademark bambi eyes-look. “erm…I don’t really know what happened but I’ll be here if you want to talk, okay?”
yoseob felt tears welling up as he held hyunseung’s hand tight.
he certainly doesn’t deserve such gentleness, not after what he had done to doojoon and junhyung.
but as he sat there, listening to hyunseung’s cheerful rambling about the delicious junk food found in the supermarket, he realized that perhaps his members were amazing enough to love him, in spite of his mistakes.
kikwang to doojoon: hyung…the light in our bedroom is spoilt :(
kikwang to doojoon: hyung…we’ve run out of shampoo!!!!!! >:(
hyunseung to doojoon: I bought a lot of ice-cream, you better come home soon!
kikwang to doojoon: you better come back now because … seungie destroyed the kitchen!
hyunseung to doojoon: I swear it wasn’t me. it was kikwang!!!!!
hyunseung to doojoon: and by the way… you better reply before kikwang finishes all the ice-cream and he becomes fat and loses all his abs and we become unpopular and then beast will be no more. you wouldn’t want that, right? :(
kikwang to doojoon: SEUNGIE IS BEING MEAN TO ME!!!!!!!! >:
junhyung wrapped the blanket around yoseob, his hand brushing gently against the sleeping boy’s cheek. every night, he finds himself waking up in the middle of the night just to make sure that yoseob was okay.
and every night, the singer cries himself to sleep on the couch. no one knows why but junhyung knows it’s because sleeping on his bed will only remind him of doojoon, the memories they had together and the moments they could had have.
he knows too that if he had never appeared in their lives, the two would still be together and so so so happy right now.
I love you but I can’t...
dongwoon to doojoon: stop running away, you fucking coward
hyunseung to doojoon: I don’t know exactly what happened but you have to come back soon. dongwoonie hasn’t been sleeping and eating well, yoseob has been crying every night and junhyung is sullen and silent most of the time. me and kikwang are tearing our hair out trying to fix things but it’s not working. we’re not sure what to do anymore. so come back soon, please?
junhyung to doojoon: we can’t go on without you, please come back … I’m sorry…
yoseob to doojoon: I’m sorry
at that moment, doojoon knew that everything was over between him and yoseob.
it was time to go home.
it was time to let go and move on.
dongwoon to doojoon: hi huyung! wehn you coimg bak? u have ben goen 6 days, 11 hrous, 36 mns & 27 secnds!! I bet you din noe rghit. seeeeeeee… ever snce you letf I cant sleeeeppppppppp n eta … hunyg I tihkn I’m in lurve wiht you!!! if you wrre mine I woudl nver hrut you like hwo shih-tuz huyung htur you. exept you wll never b mnine bceause I will never seend tis to you adn you will nevr know. kekeke…kkwang and sueng and me are bad kidssssss kekekekekekekeke…drikning paty
standing just outside the dorm, doojoon took a deep breath and prayed for extra courage and will before pulling the door open and loudly announcing his return with a big grin on his face.
as expected, kikwang and hyunseung came running to him and pulled him into a tight bone-crushing hug. he might go deaf from the gleeful exclaims of his two members but…it was good to be back.
however, nothing is more important than presents and so the two kids released him and went rummaging through his luggage, arguing over who gets the biggest present.
junhyung and yoseob stood in a corner awkwardly and it only took a moment’s hesitation before he heads over to them with an easy smile. “hi, aren’t you glad I’m back? I didn’t buy bugs for you to eat this time.” this, thankfully brought one or two chuckles and broke the awkward silence between them.
“of course we’re glad that you’re back. I don’t want to handle the two of them anymore.” junhyung replied with a small smile, pointing to kikwang and hyunseung.
doojoon laughed but there was so much he wanted to say to the rapper. like tell him how yoseob absolutely hates salted popcorn, that he should probably have boxes of tissue ready if he ever brings yoseob to a sad movie and how yoseob needs someone to hold whenever there is a thunder storm…but at that moment, doojoon realized that if there is anyone else who knows yoseob better than him, it’s probably junhyung.
I’m not angry at you, I have no reason to. I just want him to be happy with you. promise me that you’ll make him happy, much more than I can ever do.
maybe that was all he wanted to say. and maybe junhyung understood all this without him saying a word, from the way the rapper smiled gratefully and patted his shoulder affectionately before walking away to rescue his luggage from hyunseung and kikwang.
he didn’t know how or when but suddenly, the little blonde was hugging him tightly and sniffing against his chest. “don’t you dare do it again, I swear I’ll go to wherever you are and drag you back here. … no matter what happens, you can’t leave us, we need you.”
they weren’t lovers anymore. he can never hold the other’s hand like he used to, with fingers fitting into so perfectly between his own that he had been deceived to believe that this love will last. he didn’t need to leave a soft lingering goodnight kiss on the other’s temple anymore. for the last time, he breathed in deeply the scent that was distinctly yoseob and hugged back with so much longing that he felt his heart could break all over again.
but it didn’t matter. because no matter what happens, they were still close friends and maybe they were meant to be best friends than as lovers with gaps in between them that can never be bridged.
he sees all this, even through the tears that welled up in his eyes as he released yoseob. he sees this also in the way junhyung and yoseob looked at each other and the way they coyly held hands when they returned to the bedroom.
he smiled because his heart was slowly but surely, mending.
there wasn’t a logical reason why doojoon shouldn’t be soundly asleep in his comfortable bed after being away for a week but he was still wide awake, hearing the snores and sniffles of his members. he turned to his right and frowned at the emptiness of the bed.
he might have found the reason.
dongwoon doesn’t know why but he found himself back at the balcony. this time he was alone with the scary realization that he was in love with his leader.
before he could escape or even say anything, doojoon plopped down next to him with that bright smile of his that can never go wrong. unfortunately for dongwoon, that smile was making his heart do stupid things.
“you know, you should keep your phone away when you’re drunk.”
his eyes widened at his hyung’s statement as a suspicion crept into his mind.
“you’re lucky you sent the message to me and not jiyong hyung. he would have killed you if he knew that three of you were drinking.”
doojoon’s amused chuckles were a huge contrast to dongwoon’s reaction because honestly? he wanted to throw himself over the railings and never be found again, dead or alive.
he kept his glare on the floor, wishing that he could kill kikwang and hyunseung with just a glare because it was all their fucking fault. if they didn’t had the drinking party, he wouldn’t have drunk three bottles straight in hurting despair and he wouldn’t have typed that ridiculous text of confession and accidentally sent it to-
“I know I’m not ready…yet. but the day I am, I’ll be sure to let you know.” doojoon’s voice was soft and gentle but yet hesitant, as if he didn’t know what to do with a broken heart.
lifting his head and glancing at his leader, dongwoon realized once again that doojoon didn’t know it all. the leader has his moments of doubts and hesitation too. maybe it was this realization, maybe it was not, but quite magically he had the boldness to reach for the other’s hand and smile.
there was something in the smile that made doojoon’s heart go pitter-patter at an alarmingly fast rate. or maybe he was already starting to fall slowly in love with son dongwoon. whatever it is, the smile said everything he needed to know.
I’ll wait for you, hyung.
I think I'm happy with this :)
but comments are really ♥!